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Best Geek Quotes

  • There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t
  • If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0
  • I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly
  • My software never has bugs. It just develops random features
  • Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you
  • In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
  • Hand over the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk
  • I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code
  • Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…
  • The box said ‘Requires Windows 95 or better’. So I installed LINUX
  • A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax
  • Unix, DOS and Windows…the good, the bad and the ugly
  • A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila
  • The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong
  • UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity
  • Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
  • C://dos
    C://dos.run
    run.dos.run
  • You know it’s love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead
  • JUST SHUT UP AND REBOOT!!
  • 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
  • Alcohol & calculus don’t mix. Never drink & derive
  • How do I set a laser printer to stun?
  • There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer
  • Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button
  • It’s not bogus, it’s an IBM standard
  • Be nice to the nerds, for all you know they might be the next Bill Gates!
  • The farther south you go, the more dollar stores there are
  • Beware of programmers that carry screwdrivers
  • The difference between e-mail and regular mail is that computers handle e-mail, and computers never decide to come to work one day and shoot all the other computers
  • If you want a language that tries to lock up all the sharp objects and fire-making implements, use Pascal or Ada: the Nerf languages, harmless fun for children of all ages, and they won’t mar the furniture
  • COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
  • Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning
  • LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses
  • The beginning of the programmer’s wisdom is understanding the difference between getting program to run and having a runnable program
  • Squash one bug, you’ll see ten new bugs popping
  • Everytime i time i touch my code, i give birth to ten new bugs
  • boast = blogging is open & amiable sharing of thoughts
  • We are sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again
  • Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted
  • If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBO
  • Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner
  • Bad or corrupt header, go get a haircut
  • Unrecognized input, get out of the class
  • Warning! Buffer overflow, close the tumbler !
  • WinErr 547: LPT1 not found… Use backup… PENCIL & PAPER
  • Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
  • Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes
  • Best file compression around: “rm *.*” = 100% compression
  • Hackers in hollywood movies are phenomenal. All they need to do is “c:\> hack into fbi”
  • BREAKFAST.COM Halted…Cereal Port Not Responding
  • I survived an NT installation
  • The name is Baud……James Baud
  • My new car runs at 56Kbps
  • Why doesn’t DOS ever say “EXCELLENT command or filename!”
  • File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
  • Cannot read data, leech the next boy’s paper? (Y/N)
  • CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
  • Does fuzzy logic tickle?
  • Helpdesk : Sir, you need to add 10GB space to your HD , Customer : Could you please tell where I can download that?
  • Windows: Just another pane in the glass
  • Who’s General Failure & why’s he reading my disk?
  • RAM disk is not an installation procedure
  • Shell to DOS…Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS…
  • The truth is out there…anybody got the URL?
  • Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…..
  • E-mail returned to sender — insufficient voltage
  • Help! I’m modeming… and I can’t hang up!!!
  • All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
  • Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue
  • Once I got this error on my Linux box: Error. Mouse not attached. Please left click the ‘OK’ button to continue
  • Press any key to continue or any other key to quit…
  • Press every key to continue
  • Helpdesk: Sir if you see the blue screen, press any key to continue. Customer : hm.. just a min.. where’s that ‘any key’..
  • Idiot, Go ahead, make my data!
  • Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources
  • To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so
  • (001) Logical Error CLINTON.SYS: Truth table missing
  • Clinton:/> READ | PARSE | WRITE | DUMP >> MONKIA.SYS
  • (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza
  • Computers can never replace human stupidity
  • A typical Yahoo! inbox : Inbox(0), Junk(9855210)
  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic?
  • Bugs come in through open Windows
  • Penguins love cold, they wont survive the sun
  • Unix is user friendly…its just selective about who its friends are
  • Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity
  • Bell Labs Unix — Reach out and grep someone.
  • To err is human…to really foul up requires the root password.
  • Invalid password : Please enter the correct password to (Abort / Retry / Ignore )
  • FUBAR - where Geeks go for a drink
  • I degaussed my girlfriend and I’m just not attracted to her anymore
  • Scandisk : Found 2 bad sectors. Please enter a new HD to continue scanning
  • Black holes are where God divided by zero
  • Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
  • Thank god, my baby just compiled
  • Yes! My code compiled, and my wife just produced the output
  • Windows 98 supports real multitasking - it can boot and crash simultaneously
  • Zap! And there was the blue screen !
  • Please send all spam to my main address, root@localhost :-)
  • MailerD(a)emon: You just received 9133547 spam. (O)pen all, (R)ead one by one, (C)heck for more spam
  • A: Can you teach me how to use a computer? B: No. I just fix the machines, I don’t use them
  • PayPal: Your funds have been frozen for 668974 days
  • 1-800-404 : The subscriber you are trying to call does not exist
  • 1-800-403 : Access to that subscriber was denied
  • Error message: “Out of paper on drive D:”
  • If I wanted a warm fuzzy feeling, I’d antialias my graphics!
  • A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
  • “Mr. Worf, scan that ship.” “Aye Captain. 300 dpi?”
  • Smith & Wesson: The Original Point And Click Interface
  • Shout onto a newsgroup : It echoes back flames and spam
  • Firewall : Intruder detected. (A)llow in (D)eactivate the firewall
  • Real programmers can write assembly code in any language
  • Warning! Perl script detected! (K)ill it , (D)eactivate it
  • Firewall : Do you want to place a motion detector on port 80 ?
  • Helpdesk: Sir, please refill your ink catridges Customer : Where can i download that?
  • All computers run at the same speed… with the power off
  • You have successfully logged in, Now press any key to log out
  • Sorry, the password you tried is already being used by Dorthy, please try something else.
  • Sorry, that username already exists. (O)verwrite it (C)ancel
  • Please send all flames, trolls, and complaints to /dev/toilet
  • Shut up, or i’ll flush you out
  • Cron : Enter cron command \ Now enter the number of minutes in an hour
  • We are experiencing system trouble — do not adjust your terminal
  • You have successfully hacked in, Welcome to the FBI mainframes.
  • I’m sorry, our software is perfect. The problem must be you
  • Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway
  • Webhost livehelp: Sir you ran out of bandwidth, User: Where can I download that?
  • If Ruby is not and Perl is the answer, you don’t understand the question
  • Having soundcards is nice… having embedded sound in web pages is not
  • My computer was full, so I deleted everything on the right half
  • You have received a new mail which is 195537 hours old
  • Yahoo! Mail: Your email was sent successfully. The email will delivered in 4 days and 8 hours
  • I’m sorry for the double slash (Tim Berners-Lee in a Panel Discussion, WWW7, Brisbane, 1998)
  • Ah, young webmaster… java leads to shockwave. Shockwave leads to realaudio. And realaudio leads to suffering
  • What color do you want that database?
  • C++ is a write-only language, once can write programs in C++, but I can’t read any of them
  • As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code
  • earth is 98% full … please delete anyone you can
  • A typical yahoo chat room: “A has signed in, A has signed out, B has signed in, B has signed out, C has signed in, C has signed out..”
  • When someone says “I want a programming language in which I need only say what I wish done,” give him a lollipop
  • Warning! No processor found! Press any key to continue
  • Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product
  • NT is the only OS that has caused me to beat a piece of hardware to death with my bare hands
  • Warning! Kernel crashed, Run for your lives !
  • NASA uses Windows? Oh great. If Apollo 13 went off course today the manual would just tell them to open the airlock, flush the astronauts out, and re-install new one
  • JavaScript: An authorizing language designed to make Netscape crash
  • How’s my programming? Call 1-800-DEV-NULL
  • Yes, friends and neighbors, boys and girls - my PC speaker crashed NT
  • root:> Sorry, you entered the wrong password, the correct password is ‘a_49qwXk’
  • New linux package released. Please install on /dev/null
  • Quake and uptime do not like each other
  • Unix…best if used before: Tue Jan 19 03:14:08 GMT 2038
  • As you well know, magic and weapons are prohibited inside the cafeteria — Final Fantasy VIII
  • Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft…and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labo
  • Unix is the only virus with a command line interface
  • Windows 95 makes Unix look like an operating system
  • How are we supposed to hack your system if it’s always down!
  • God is real, unless declared integer
  • I’m tempted to buy the slashdot staff a grammar checker. What do they do for 40 hours a week?
  • Paypal : Please enter your credit card number to continue
  • It takes a million monkeys at typewriters to write Shakespeare, but only a dozen monkeys at computers to run Network Solutions
  • Please help - firewall burnt down - lost packet - reward $$$
  • If Linux were a beer, it would be shipped in open barrels so that anybody could piss in it before delivery
  • Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle
  • Perl, the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption
  • Norton: Incoming virus - (D)ownload and save (R)un after download
  • I had a dream… and there were 1’s and 0’s everywhere, and I think I saw a 2!
  • You sir, are an unknown USB device driver
  • C isn’t that hard: void (*(*f[])())() defines f as an array of unspecified size, of pointers to functions that return pointers to functions that return void

Comments

  1. Kirsten
    September 24th, 2008 | 12:28 am

    “I had a dream… and there were 1’s and 0’s everywhere, and I think I saw a 2!” that one is totally from Futurama!

  2. lee
    September 24th, 2008 | 1:39 am

    pretty funny. i found you on stumble upon and this is a funny list.

  3. September 24th, 2008 | 8:21 am

    “Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you”
    Fail.
    Should be:
    “Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base are belong to you”

  4. September 24th, 2008 | 3:04 pm

    Here’s another one - Customer calling helpdesk: “I got the mouse from kitchen, now what?”

    Oh man, this blogpost is way too funny! Can’t help but stumbled and reddit it.

  5. September 24th, 2008 | 5:10 pm

    Cool geek quotes!! I totally love it!!

  6. September 24th, 2008 | 6:58 pm

    […] Best Geek Quotes  got to be a geek to understand a lot of these! […]

  7. September 24th, 2008 | 8:16 pm

    printf (”wow wow wow!, you have compiled all of the gems in one place!”);

  8. Craig Betney
    September 25th, 2008 | 12:43 am

    I was going to save the world, but I ran out of diskspace.

  9. Mr. Chandler the Internet Legend
    September 25th, 2008 | 1:12 am

    Haha, definitely nice! Have to use these sometime!

  10. September 25th, 2008 | 7:57 am

    lol^^ thanks for the post xDD

  11. September 25th, 2008 | 2:34 pm

    […] Best Geek Quotes - A fairly huge collection of geeky, amusing quotes to satiate your thirst for geekness… […]

  12. Him
    September 25th, 2008 | 9:19 pm

    hahaha
    “In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows.”
    lol Win!

  13. Colin
    September 26th, 2008 | 3:20 pm

    “You have moved the mouse. NT must reboot for the change to take effect.”

    and my all-time favorite:

    question = 0xFF; // optimized Hamlet

  14. September 26th, 2008 | 4:11 pm

    […] Geek quotes, I heart ‘em […]

  15. September 26th, 2008 | 4:48 pm

    hahahaha,,a super funny list of geeks quotes. I’m going to send to my geek friends. lmao!

  16. cai
    September 26th, 2008 | 8:22 pm

    thx stumble!!!

  17. Amanda
    September 26th, 2008 | 9:37 pm

    awesome quotes, really funny.
    C://dos
    C://dos.run
    run.dos.run
    definitely the best one!

  18. September 26th, 2008 | 10:00 pm

    […] Rafael Trindade » Best Geek Quotes (tags: quotes humor geeks geek funny fun) […]

  19. September 27th, 2008 | 4:48 am
  20. September 27th, 2008 | 2:37 pm

    LoL! :-D

  21. September 28th, 2008 | 12:01 pm

    Las mejores citas geeks [ENG]…

    Compilación de cientos de míticas frases Geek en inglés para todas las ocasiones. Tu nivel de "geekismo" es directamente proporcional a la cantidad de estas frases a las que le pilles la gracia. Ej: "The box said ‘Requires Windows XP or…

  22. GBJ
    September 28th, 2008 | 8:39 pm

    Just one more:

    The day Microsoft makes something that doesn’t suck is probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners.

    -Ernst Jan Plugge-

  23. Cide
    September 29th, 2008 | 1:36 am

    hahahahaha “My software never has bugs. It just develops random features” and “Unix, DOS and Windows…the good, the bad and the ugly” are hilarious! hahahaha

  24. chiron
    October 1st, 2008 | 2:35 am

    3×12=36
    2×12=24
    1×12=12
    0×12=18

    one of my favorites ^^

  25. JMC
    October 7th, 2008 | 6:47 pm

    print(”YEAH!”) #response to amazing humour

  26. October 16th, 2008 | 6:00 am

    […] Geeks quotes […]

  27. October 16th, 2008 | 7:50 am

    […] Geeks quotes […]

  28. Kopachris
    October 30th, 2008 | 11:50 pm

    Windows isn’t a virus; viruses do something!

  29. November 1st, 2008 | 3:16 am

    absolutely brilliant list!! Well done!

  30. November 19th, 2008 | 5:05 am

    I really like that last one.

  31. November 21st, 2008 | 7:16 pm

    cute geek quotes! i actually heard the “shutup and reboot” one. this list sort of reminds me of the movie Nerds.

  32. February 19th, 2009 | 12:15 am

    I found this via StumbleUpon. I knew the first several items I saw, and was about to stumble to another site, but I couldn’t stop reading. Thanks for sharing!

  33. bob
    March 8th, 2009 | 6:03 pm

    that was very funny thanks

  34. April 10th, 2009 | 2:37 am

    […] Trindade » Best Geek Quotes Jump to Comments http://rafaeltrindade.com.br/2008/09/21/best-geek-quotes/ Sent from my BlackBerry® wirelessdevice […]

  35. dman
    April 12th, 2009 | 6:58 pm

    the third to last one is from bender

  36. April 27th, 2009 | 4:57 am

    […] Originally posted by Rafael Trindade on his blog http://rafaeltrindade.com.br/2008/09/21/best-geek-quotes/ […]

  37. April 28th, 2009 | 3:44 pm

    […] Las mejores 108 frases Geek Esto es la versión subtitulada a español de Best Geek Quotes (inglés). Las hay surrealistas, facilonas, caducas. La traducción no recoge todas y cada una de las citas bien porque no las he entendido, mea culpa, o porque no me parecieron demasiado buenas. […]

  38. May 13th, 2009 | 10:39 pm

    […] - Best GEEK Quotes […]

  39. May 18th, 2009 | 3:36 am

    […] - Best GEEK Quotes […]

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